


Bang Bang

by morporkian_hobbit



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M, Nancy Sinatra, Reichenbach, Reichenbach Falls, Reichenfeels, Songfic, bang bang - Freeform, how did i not think of this tag first, i just tend to write very depressive stuff about seb, i like music, i swear i'm not depressive, mormor, post reichenbach mormor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 17:13:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16044947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/morporkian_hobbit/pseuds/morporkian_hobbit
Summary: He shot me downBang BangWhen he fired that gun, right into the centre of his skull, it killed me as surely as it killed him. That bullet went through his brains and through my heart. And you can’t live on with your heart missing.





	Bang Bang

**Author's Note:**

> This is how I procrastinate on my longer MorMor fic.  
> I’ve always felt a lot of MorMor vibes in the song Bang Bang by Nancy Sinatra, and a high potential for a teen AU evolving toward the canon. So I decided to write a fanfic based on this song.   
> If you’ve read my previous songfic on Oceanographer’s Choice, you may notice some recurring themes and expressions. I have a pretty well set idea of the MorMor relationship.  
> This, however, is less metaphorical than the other one, and more depressing. You could consider this an alternate version of Oceanographer’s Choice where Jim did not come back.  
> I’d like to thank my beta-reader, Alexandra S. Tyler, who made sure all this is correct English.  
> Trigger warnings: depression, suicide, mention of violence and murder (but you should be expecting this from basically any writing about Moriarty)

Bang Bang

_I was five and he was six,_  
We rode on horses made of sticks.  
He wore black and I wore white,  
He would always win the fight.

I was sixteen when Jim and I first met, and he was fifteen, but he looked three years younger, and sounded ten years older. Looking back at that time, I don’t know how we possibly got along. But we did. We were so different. I was a rash, irrational teenager who wanted nothing else out of life than fun. He was an adult in a kid’s body, so mature and cynical and eaten away by life. He burned like a flame. And I had always been attracted by fires. So it’s only natural that I became obsessed with this bright, and yet so dark, mockery of a boy. I wanted to know him; even better, to understand him. He was a challenge to me. And as challenges were the only things that interested him – that, music, and the stars – I posed challenges to him too. He always beat me, of course. And despite all my efforts, I couldn’t understand the way he worked. But he grew interested in me.

That was when I started turning bad.

 

_Bang Bang_  
He shot me down  
Bang Bang  
I hit the ground

Because Jim Moriarty’s attention is not something you’d want on yourself. It’s not the light of a candle held by someone searching his way in the dark, it’s that of a tiny red dot marking where you’ll be shot. The kind he sees but you don’t – you don’t know until it’s too late.

 

_Bang Bang_  
That awful sound  
Bang Bang  
My baby shot me down.

It’s terrible, being shot down like this, by someone you knew – thought you knew. Someone you cared about, someone you thought cared about you. You thought loved you.

 

_Seasons came and changed the time;_  
When I grew up I called him mine.  
He would always laugh and say :  
Remember when we used to play.

Because just as his attention had grown into interest, that interest grew into something else. Something more. Something I craved, but had never hoped receiving. Something I don’t even know today if I ever actually had. Did he ever love me? Did he love me the way I worshipped him, every inch of his wretched soul? At least, he said he did. We had grown into adults not so dissimilar, on the outside. Violent, wicked rejects of society – that’s how people saw us. Broken souls that rose out of the pit by breaking others – that’s how we described ourselves. The flame had turned into a brazier. And he said I was the only one, ever since that day when we were just mindless teenagers, little children, and I dared him to tackle me to the ground. Such vicious foreshadowing. He did back then as he did today: fooled me into thinking he was harmless, and then caught me off my guard. Threw me down to the ground.

 

_Bang Bang_  
I shot you down  
Bang Bang  
You hit the ground

I should have known. I should have bloody known that nothing good could come out of a man like him. But I thought that a man like me could stand it, that he was all I needed.

 

_Bang Bang_  
That awful sound  
Bang Bang  
I used to shoot you down.

I was so, so right. I only needed him. And I needed him so bad, he was like a drug. He took me, made me into his thing, made sure I could never live without him. And I’m not even mad at him for that. I am unable, incapable of hating that man. I hate what he’s done to me, I hate the shadow of a human being that I have become, but I don’t hate him. I never could.

 

_Music played and people sang  
Just for me the church bells rang._

I wish we could have had our happy ending. Our happy forever after. I was a fool, I was such a moron. There’s never a good ending for people like us. Just endings. And I didn’t even get that. Because I’m still here, and it hurts like Hell. We’re over, but I’m not, and I wish I were.

 

_Now he's gone, I don’t know why._  
And till this day sometimes I cry.  
He didn't even say goodbye,  
He didn’t take the time to lie.

I know this isn’t about me. It never was. He would have done it eventually, I saw it coming, but I closed my eyes in denial that our story would ever end. And in the end, I wasn’t enough to keep him here. He went on with his plan, without even telling me about it. He didn’t value me enough to talk to me. He didn’t think I could help, didn’t think there was another option. Knew there wasn’t another. I’m realising only now, too late, that I was nothing to him, didn’t bring him what I thought I brought him, never healed him like he healed me. I was useless.

 

_Bang Bang_  
He shot me down  
Bang Bang  
I hit the ground

When he fired that gun, right into the centre of his skull, it killed me as surely as it killed him. That bullet went through his brains and through my heart. And you can’t live on with your heart missing.

 

_Bang Bang_  
That awful sound  
Bang Bang  
My baby shot me down.

So if I die today, it won’t matter. I’m already dead, and he’s the one who pulled the trigger.


End file.
